


Menace to South Central (Park)

by tisfan, Trashcanakin



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Dogs, Gen, M/M, Sass and Sarcasm, improper use of Pym Particles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 22:20:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18882391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisfan/pseuds/tisfan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashcanakin/pseuds/Trashcanakin
Summary: When Bucky gets attached to a puppy... nothing will run smoothly ever again





	Menace to South Central (Park)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Jacaranda and the rest of the Tony Stark Bingo Discord crew for helping me come up with silly dog things to do.

 

“I only run when chased,” Tony protested. Despite that, he had on a high tech jogging suit, and Bucky was pretty sure he was going to win this argument.

“You could use a good cardio workout,” Steve said, stretching. It was literally public lewdness, Steve doing toe-touches in the park. Bucky was pretty sure the woman who’d just crashed her bike into a tree would agree, if she would stop staring at Steve’s ass.

“I have a heart condition, what’s the matter with you people,” Tony muttered. “I’m certainly not running with you, that’s like trying to race a train.”

“Hey, I can do that, doll,” Bucky said. “Used ta, too, back in Russia. Get a running start and cross the tracks in front of the train. Exciting.”

“Well, some of us live dangerously as our day job, we don’t have to do it in real life,” Tony said.

“It’s all good, that’s fine,” Pepper said. She was wearing a matching outfit to Tony’s, and her strawberry hair pulled back in a tail. “You can run with Rhodey and me.”

Bucky could have kissed her. Of _course_ Tony would run with Colonel Rhodes, who had mastered those leg braces Tony made for him years ago, and liked to show off what he could do with a broken damn back.

Bucky knew that feeling. He’d arm-wrestled Thor for the hell of it, too.

And it wasn’t just the exercise; Tony spent time in the gym, and training. It was the getting outside, it was seeing something that wasn’t the Tower, it was doing something that wasn’t Avenger’s work.

Tony had set himself some impossible task, and was determined to get it all done by Tuesday, which wasn’t possible for anyone. Save the world, make it a better place. Noble goals, but Tony was the only one acting like it needed to be done _last week_.

Tony needed to get out some, remember what it was they were saving.

Or maybe Bucky was just stir crazy, and wanted Tony to come outside with him, rather than just waving him off.

“So, what, we’ll run around the park once, and you guys will, what, run the Boston Marathon, and meet back here?”

“Sounds good,” Steve said. “Come on, Buck--”

And then it was just running, running without fear, and that was nice.

Also, Steve had never quite gotten over being that skinny little kid who had everything to prove. So, racing, that was a thing that happened, and since both of them ran upward of sixty miles an hour, if they had flat terrain and open space.

Theoretically they were evenly matched, or maybe Steve was a bit better. So Steve said, with his shiny serum and Stark’s vita-ray machine, and Bucky with his off-brand. But Bucky knew he’d outraced the St. Petersburg train back in the seventies, and while it was over 155 these days, it hadn’t exactly been pokey back in the day, either.

That said, Bucky didn’t have anything to prove, and so about halfway through their run, Bucky shoved Steve hard in the middle of his back, yelled “Parkour,” and took off running through the park, dodging the crowds and using the terrain in fantastic, fun, gymnastic ways. Steve wasn’t far behind him, and that was even more fun. Like being chased, without all the bullets.

They ended up, panting and laughing and playfully roughhousing over by the dog park, where they weren’t bothering anyone (except for all the gawkers, because it was Steve, and they were… well, heroes. Which was still weird, but Bucky could kinda get behind it.)

Steve had just pinned Bucky to the ground when something soft and fuzzy-- licked his face.

“Woah--” Bucky was on his feet in a defensive position before he even thought to look. The dog, well, puppy really, leaped backward, then dropped its head down, wiggling its haunches playfully. Barked a few times and darted at Bucky’s ankle.

“Well, aren’t you a brave thing?” Bucky squatted down and offered the dog his hand.

The puppy yipped again, playfully snapping at Bucky’s fingers, then licked them, as if apologizing.

“I’m so sorry,” a woman said. She had a handful of leashes, three dogs behind her, and another puppy tucked up under her arm. “I’m a dog walker, and I’ve never had to deal with puppies before, there isn’t enough money in the city to--”

“She’s fine,” Bucky said. “Just a little playful, right, sugar?”

“Great,” the woman said. “You take that one, and this one--” Bucky found himself with an arm full of wiggly, licky fur, “-- and I’ll go get the other two that got away. Never taking a puppy job again, I’m just not.”

“I’ll uh-- take the other ones, ma’am, if you want,” Steve offered.

Which, of course he did. The woman gawked at him for a long moment. Bucky could practically see the lights going off in her eyes. Captain goddamn America. She handed over the leashes and then went off, looking for the other puppies in a much better mood.

“She’s gonna ask for a selfie when she gets back, capsicle,” Tony said. He walked up to them, a triple venti, extra shot in one hand and a doughnut in the other.

“Doesn’t eating a doughnut kinda undo the whole point of jogging, Tony?” Steve wondered, and then had to restrain the whole passel of dogs that thought a light snack was being offered.

Tony did that thing with his tongue, eating in a way that made everything extra sensual, then licked his thumb free of sugar. “A doughnut is the only reason to run,” he said. “Looks like you found a friend.”

Bucky tilted his head back, trying to avoid having his chin licked right off. “They’re cute enough, ain’t they?”

“Menace,” the woman said, coming back. “Here, hold her--” She fitted the little harnesses back on the puppies and added them into the half dozen or more dogs --- it was hard to tell how many there were, exactly, since they were all in a huge clump.

“Busy job you’ve got,” Steve observed. “You like it?”

“I like dogs,” she said, staring up at Steve like he was some sort of minor deity. “Yeah, dogs, gods… er, dogs are great. Love dogs, like sooo much.”

One of the puppies whined and then barked a few times, straining at the end of the leash to get to Bucky.

Bucky moved over a little and lifted her onto his knee. “You’re a good puppy.”

“She’s a wretch,” the woman said. “Slipped her harness and then encouraged the rest of the litter to run wild.”

“Well, it _is_ a dog park,” Steve said, as if he were apologizing on the puppy’s behalf.

“I’ve got her and her brothers for the rest of the week,” the woman said. “Breeder’s on vacation. I wonder why-- ha. That was a joke. You’re welcome to come back tomorrow around this time of day and see if you can handle her any better.”

Steve gave his patent pending _so sorry ma’am_ smile.

“Maybe I will,” Bucky told the puppy. “Huh, would you like that, girl?”

“I think I’ve lost my boyfriend to a bitch,” Tony said, taking a long sip of his drink. “It’s all right though. Coffee is there for me. Coffee understands me.”

“Asshole,” Bucky accused, flicking Tony’s leg with one metal finger.

“Love you, too, snowflake.”

***

There was something uncomplicated about a man with a puppy, Tony thought. He was leaning against the chainlink fence while Bucky was romping around with four puppies, actually giggling like a kid.

“I bet I could make a fortune taking pictures of Bucky with those pups,” Tony commented idly.

“Tony, you have several fortunes already, what do you need another one for?” That was Natasha. She had on sunglasses, a leather jacket and her _do not fuck with me_ expression. Standard operating procedure for an Avenger -- with the Skrulls thing and the LMD other thing, and sometimes Loki pulling off an amazing illusion or three -- no one was allowed out of the Tower without at least one other Avengers providing backup and support.

Tony was perfectly capable of looking after his boyfriend, but Natasha had decided to join them anyway. Probably for some obscure reason like better coffee. The coffee in the Tower was perfect, the best money could buy, and Natasha would still complain. Tony was beginning to suspect she just liked complaining.

“Just saying, shirtless super soldiers and puppies,” Tony said. He took another sip of his coffee. “Imagine it.”

“And I’m saying you already have to beat off the fangirls. Do you really want to bait the sharks even more?”

“I’m saying an Avenger’s calendar spread would be fun,” Tony said, already planning it. “Steve can be naked, aside from the shield at a strategic angle.”

“I’ll wear my Russian spy outfit, you know, the one with the ridiculous hat,” Natasha said. “I can be fully dressed and you can all be naked.”

“I can handle that--”

“Well, be sure you can handle other things, because I can tell you, Thor’s hammer… isn’t going to cover it.”

“Do I even want to know why you know that?”

Natasha just smirked.

“That’s a no, I don’t want to know why you know that,” Tony decided. “Come on, Bucky, let’s give this lady back her dogs so she can get on with her day.”

“The breeder’ll be back in a few days,” she said, offering a business card between two fingers. “If you know, you want to keep one.”

“That’d be lovely,” Tony said, “but I don’t know that this is the best time to be taking on new responsibilities--”

Natasha ignored him, reaching around to grab the card. “Thanks. Don’t be a dick, Tony.”

“Lots of practice,” Tony said. “It’s second nature by now.”

“Pretty sure it’s _entirely_ your nature,” Natasha retorted.

“You knew what I was when you didn’t recommend me for the team,” Tony said. “And now, here I am, keeping you all in cool toys. I mean, you have a _handle_ on that, right?”

“If I tell you the Thor story will you let it drop that I didn’t think you were stable enough for the team while on a self-destructive bender?”

“I’m just-- thanks, have fun,” the dog walker said, going over to help Bucky put the puppies on their leashes.

“You jump to conclusions, Romanoff,” Tony said. “You’re not always right.”

“Oh, I know,” Natasha said. “But if I acted fallible, I wouldn’t be nearly as good at my job. You know I have to work four times harder just to get half the credit.”

“Sexism is a thing, I know,” Tony said.

“Besides,” she said, offering him the card. “I’m right about this. Buy him the damn dog. You know he won’t ask.”

That much was true, Bucky never asked for anything. Unlike Steve or Nat or Sam, he didn’t ask for gear upgrades. Hell, Tony had to have Friday run a check every time they came off mission, just to get a report on any gear failure or faults. Bucky… was not much for asking for things.

“We don’t have time for it right now,” Tony said. “We’re moving headquarters out of the city, it’s going to be a mess. We don’t need to add to that a puppy with separation anxiety.”

Natasha just hummed under her breath. Her _I know better than you do_ tone. Whatever. Just because Bucky played with fluffy animals didn’t mean he wanted one of his own.

Tony’d heard it said before that puppies and kittens were practice kids.

That didn’t much seem accurate to Tony. Puppies grew up into dogs, not adults. A dog was always going to need care and attention, was always going to be utterly reliant on their human, the way a kid wouldn’t. Eventually, even the most failure-to-launch child would at least be able to make themselves a sandwich, take a bath, and hog the television remote.

Not to mention the fact that, barring unexpected accidents, Bucky was likely to outlive any single dog they ever got. Guaranteed grief.

Tony didn’t know if it was worth it. He’d never actually had a pet before, of any sort. Howard didn’t believe in that sort of affectionate nonsense, and Maria shuddered to think of cat hair on her clothes or furniture.

Dum-E was a pet, of sorts.

“All right, then,” Tony said. “Dog park time’s over, Avenger’s skin calendar is a go--”

“Wait, what?”

“You missed it, that’s what you get for keeping company with dogs,” Tony said, mouth tipping up into a smirk.

“Uh-huh,” Bucky said. “You’ll have to swing that one past--”

“Steve’ll be fine, it’s for charity.”

“I was more thinking Bruce.”

Tony opened his mouth, closed it again, then, “huh, okay, I admit, I might not have thought this all the way through.”

***

“So, uh, I got you a Going Away present,” Tony announced, emphasising the capital letters. That wasn’t entirely a Tony thing, but Bucky thought of it as being Tony’s particular thing. The same way he could hear violence eminent in Natasha’s words.

Bucky looked up, started, Tony appeared to change his mind, continuing on with his speech.  “Or maybe it’s a house warming present, I’m not really sure. I mean, you are going away, but since I’m going with you--”

Bucky packed the last of his toiletries, which was just silly, because Tony had already stocked the new bathrooms with everything they used and needed; why bother to try to secure a half-empty bottle of shampoo? Didn’t matter. He could put plastic wrap over the bottle top and screw the cap back on. You could take the boy out of the thrift shop, but apparently, you couldn’t take the thrifty out of the boy. “I didn’t get you nothin’,” he said, cheeks heating. Tony was moving in _with him_ , why did there need to be presents at all?

“No, no, this isn’t-- I mean,” Tony stammered, rubbing his hands together nervously. “Totally DUM-E’s idea, if anyone asks, I’m going to blame him, he talked me into it.”

Bucky laughed. “Yeah, I bet he’s a real sweet talker.”

“You can not even begin to imagine the shit that little ‘bot has talked me into,” Tony said, and at least that part was true. Or, more exactly, DUM-E would beep encouragingly when Tony was trying to give himself permission to do the thing he’d already decided he was going to do. Bucky’d been around to see that, a few times. They usually ended with some spectacular lab failure. And added safety precautions. When Bucky could insist louder than Tony’s enthusiasm for whatever it was he was doing.

“A’ight, let’s see this present of DUM-E’s,” Bucky said, because there was no point in getting into the argument again about Tony and his presents. They made everything lopsided, except when they didn’t. They’d had to go ‘round it a few times before they got right down to root of the thing, which was that material things didn’t really mean a lot to Tony, and that someone spending time watching a stupid cartoon on the cable meant everything to him.

And one was just time, and one was just money.

_Time is money, money talks, and talk is cheap._

Round and round. And Bucky took a deep breath, reminded himself that Tony didn’t have expectations of him; that Bucky being here was all the gift Tony needed, and if he chose not to believe that, it was really rude, honestly, because Tony only gave his attention to a chosen few people as individuals.

The box was… large. The bottom was bright red, and the top was gold. Iron Man colors. It came up to Tony’s waist, and was nearly a yard on each side.

Which didn’t necessarily mean anything, Bucky told himself. Car keys were small. So were diamonds and computer chips. So, the bigger the box, not necessarily the more horrifically expensive the present.

“What’s in the box, Tony?”

“You want me to open it for you?” Tony asked.

“Yeah, well, I have a bad arm,” Bucky said, deadpan, and then couldn’t hold it as Tony laughed.

“Asshole,” Tony said, and that moment of terrified obligation passed and Bucky could just be a person getting a gift from someone he loved, and not someone who owed. Owed what, Bucky had never quite figured out. He lifted the lid and Bucky peered into the box.

Something peered back at him, and Bucky took a cautious step backward until a whine drew him back in. A _familiar_ whine.

He wasn’t even halfway to reaching in the box when the puppy came crashing out of it, tipping the box and its side and leaping into Bucky’s arms. A warm ball of fluffy fur and frantically licking tongue.

“Oh, my god, Tony,” Bucky said, and even he could hear the absolute adoration in his tone.

“It’s just a puppy,” Tony said, trying to play it cool, but Bucky wasn’t having it.

“Maybe,” Bucky said. “But you got her for me.”

“I couldn’t think of anyone else who had a chance to handle her,” Tony admitted. “There’s some license stuff we need to do, and she’s got shots and some surgery to get. One dog is enough of a menace, we don’t need litters of the things.”

“She’s not a menace,” Bucky protested, cuddling his puppy, who was biting at metal fingers with determination.

“Oh, yeah, she is,” Tony said. “It’s her name.”

“You-- named the dog Menace? You’re a _terrible_ dog father.”

“That is not my kid,” Tony spluttered.

“Uh-huh,” Bucky said. “Admit it, she won you over, she’s such a cutie.”

Tony snorted. “Love you, soldier,” he said.

“Love you, too. Thanks so much.”

Tony leaned in to kiss Bucky, and the puppy bounced at the wrong time, licking Tony right across the mouth.

“ _Menace_ ,” Tony said, firmly. “Her name is Menace, you can’t change my mind.”

***

“I think your dog is broken,” Tony commented.

“Ain’t got her fixed yet,” Bucky shot back, deadpan. “Come on, Ace, you said you wanted t’ go for a walk.”

Menace lay there, on her side, and yarked once before proceeding to whine and howl. _No, no no no no no no noooooooooooooooooooo._

“She’s singing you the song of her people, and the song of her people is ‘take this leash and shove it,’” Tony said.

“She’s fine, she’s just bein’ whiny, that’s what, she’s bein’ a whiny baby, yes,” Bucky said.

“Do you have to talk to that animal like she’s in first grade?”

Bucky blinked. “No one talks to school-aged kids that way, that is exclusively reserved for toddlers and babies.”

“If they’re not in college, I don’t know what to do with them,” Tony said.

“You’re such a liar, Tony,” Bucky told him. “Ace, come on, let’s go for a walk.” Bucky picked the puppy up and sat her on her feet.

Menace whined again, drooping her head like the leash was soooo heavy, oh my gooood, so heavy… and then plopped over again. “ _Aor aor aor_!”

Bucky signed and unclipped the leash.

The puppy jumped to her feet, ran over to the door and started scratching frantically at it. Out out out out out!

“See, she’s puttin’ one on,” Bucky said. “Come here. Ace, c’mere.”

The puppy went over to Bucky.

“Sit.”

She sat.

“Good dog.” He offered her a treat and she snapped it up.

“Leash.”

Menace whined, but lifted her chin so Bucky could clip it on. “Good dog.” He offered her a treat again.

Menace opened her mouth, took the treat on her tongue, and then.

Just.

Sat.

There.

Like, _woe is me, I cannot even swallow this delicious treat because I have a leash. Around my neck. And it is choking me. Aaah, I die._ Menace fell over again.

Okay, so Tony might have been projecting, just a little bit, but Christ, if it wasn’t the funniest thing he’d seen in a long time. The mighty Winter Soldier, confounded by a dog that didn’t want to leash train.

“I ain’t gonna carry you,” Bucky told her. “You want to go for a walk, you gotta train to the leash.” He unclicked it again.

“I think you’re making a tactical error,” Tony told him.

“She’s an Australian Sheepdog,” Bucky said, primly. “She’s not gonna get huge, but I don’t wanna lug a fifty pound dog out t’ the park every time she wants to take a piss.”

“I didn’t mean a mistake for future Bucky,” Tony said. “I mean, a mistake for Bucky right-this-second.”

“Huh?”

“Your dog is about two seconds away from peeing on the floor,” Tony said, and indeed, Menace was doing the squat thing, just under the coffee table.

“Crap.”

“She’ll probably do that, too,” Tony said. “Take her up to the roof, leash laws don’t apply on Stark property.”

***

The compound was huge, over a hundred acres of recreational property -- that wasn’t even including the main building or the campus space between them -- and surrounded by a high tech Stark Fence, as well as having surveillance both above ground and below.

Nothing should have been able to get inside, and ergo, one crazy puppy who didn’t want to leash train, should not be able to get out.

Which is why, when their neighbors -- laughable, since they weren’t actually neighbors so much as adjunct SHIELD trainees -- came by with the puppy in their truck, Bucky was confused. Well, she wasn’t really a puppy any more, about forty-two pounds, under all the fluff, but Bucky still thought of her as a _baby_. He was a hundred years old, he was allowed to think of anything younger than fifty as _young_.

“You are a menace,” Bucky said, tucking the puppy up under his chin, letting her lick at his ears while he thanked the SHIELD guys, once again, for bringing his dog back. “And you are not supposed to run away.”

“And Mr. Stark would like to know how she’s managing it,” Peter said, which almost made Bucky jump out of his skin. The kid was crawling across the ceiling like his namesake. Absently, he dropped down, rubbed the puppy’s head a few times. “Since none of the cameras are picking up anything after she managed to shed her collar again. If something can’t be done, we’re just going to have to put a tracker in her, aren’t we, a tracker--”

“Pete, stop talking to that dog like she’s stupid,” Tony said, walking up, brushing down imaginary wrinkles in his coat, or perhaps removing not-yet-in-existence dog hairs from the fabric. “She’s obviously much smarter than we’re giving her credit for, since she knows how to both slip her collar and how to keep away from every single camera in the base-- or, is she?” He waggled a pen -- or something that looked like a pen -- in Bucky’s direction.

“What is that?’

“Portable projector,” Tony said. “I have solved our little -- and I’m not using that word facetiously -- problem.”

“All right, then, project a solution,” Bucky suggested.

“Apparently your dog has figured out pym particles without a suit,” Tony told him.

“How is that even possible?”

“Listing other things that the dog shouldn’t eat-- ant stores are among them, at least around here,” Tony said.

“Run that by me, real slow,” Bucky said.

Tony sketched the whole thing out in mid-air, complete with circles and arrows, and a paragraph or two for each idea, explaining what each one was.

Apparently the puppy had been digging in the various ant nests that the Pyms kept just outside the kitchen building, and was getting, essentially, shrunk down to ant sized. Which made her getting outside the fence understandable. She’d get about twenty feet away or so, and the shrinking would wear off and she’d go exploring as a full sized dog.

Thus, being returned by SHIELD.

“Also, now that it’s solved, Hope would like to take a blood sample, both to make sure that she’s not hurting herself by shrinking randomly, but also to see how the hell she’s doing it--”

“What gave you the idea?”

“Did Sam ever tell you how Scott really ended up on the team?”

“No,” Bucky said.

“Come on, I want to tell you about it in front of him,” Tony said, rubbing his hands together gleefully. “It’s so much more fun when you see how embarrassed Sam is by getting his ass kicked by a guy the size of a bug.”

***

Bad guys, Tony decided, had absolutely the worst timing. If he wasn’t getting yanked from a sound sleep to battle evil, he was having to put off sexing up his boyfriend to beat Doom’s ass, or rushing away from dinner to convince Magneto to stop having a grudge against the police before Charles got there.

So much evil. Not quite enough good guys to go around. Also, Tony was positive that it was part of the evil villain nature. If they were convenient, they might just be thugs, or middle-ground annoyances.

Which meant, of course, that when the latest bad guy of the week showed up Tony and Bucky were at the dog park. It wasn’t really a dog park, per se, not like the one in the park down in the city, but a stretch of land that Tony had put aside for the various Avengers and their friends to exercise their pets. (Moon Girl had still not come by with Devil Dinosaur and Tony wasn’t sure if he was happy about that, or not.)

Bucky clipped the leash on Menace, who promptly fell over and started looking So Very Sad, whining and thumping her tail on the ground, because she was still a puppy and while she could lie like a fucking rug, she was still a puppy, and therefore, Excited about Everything.

Maria Hill sent Tony the sitreps to his phone. They were showing the Wrecking Crew, who really weren’t all that bad comparatively, but they tended to be careless of civilian targets, with a possible show up by the Sinister Six. Or maybe just Doc Ock. Which was always a toss up as to how it would go. Sometimes Ock went in for a round of mayhem and destruction, and sometimes she was just trying to get back something that Thunderball had stolen from her.

Bad Guys. Thank Christ they didn’t all work together.

“Friday, get me a suit. Grab Winter Soldier’s tac-bag on the way by, and send Cassie out to collect the--”

“Fuck, she shrank, Tony--” Bucky was peering around in the grass, trying to find his dog.

“--dog. Leave her, honey. Cassie’s the best equipped to find her, and we’ll be on site that much faster.”

“Damn dog,” Bucky grumbled, but was pulling his gear out of the bag and gearing up, out in front of god and everyone. Tony paused a moment to get recordings of his boyfriend’s brief-clad ass as he jumped into a pair of mesh-weave armored pants. That would make for some lovely blackmail material later. Or for the spank bank, Tony hadn’t decided.

Tony finished suiting up, Bucky tossed his bag aside, holstered his guns and did a quick pat-down check. “Ready for pickup,” Winter Soldier said, falling completely into Hero-Mode.

Tony grabbed him by the combat straps -- most of the non-fliers in the group had some sort of hookup for safe flying. Except Natasha, because she said it messed with her _look_ and after the second time Tony had suggested it and she’d almost bitten his head off, he stopped bringing it up. She wanted to do a frisk and fall, that was her own damn problem, he’d tried.

Well, maybe he could sneak a little strap in, right at the base of her belt. She’d never notice.

“So, what we got, Cap?” Tony asked, hitching Bucky up a little closer, he seemed oddly heavy today and it was throwing off his flight maneuverability. “What’d you do down there, snowflake, have a big breakfast?”

“Did you just call me fat?” Bucky wondered.

“Looks like Wrecking Crew wants something out of the Alchemix building, and Ock’s objecting. She seems protective of her former employers.”

“Is this the enemy of my enemy situation, or are they all gonna turn on us when we get there?”

“Probably the later,” Cap said.

“Wanna let them fight it out first? A few dead Wrecking Crew aren’t going to be just bustin’ out of the Fridge in a few weeks,” Clint suggested.

“I don’t think we’re legally allowed to do that, Hawkeye.”

“Aw, morals, no.”

“Thor could use some backup,” Cap reported. “Drop in and give him a hand. I’m on ‘Dozer and his daughter, and Nat and Clint have Piledriver.”

“This sounds like a bad night at the disco,” Tony remarked. “Gonna drop you in the mess, snowflake. Honestly, shoot them extra for me, I was having a very nice quality outing with my boyfriend.”

“Every mission is a dating opportunity,” Bucky said, philosophically, “if you bring your lover on your missions.”

“Good point,” Tony said. He slid in, just over Wrecker, and Bucky slid free, going guns akimbo as soon as he hit the ground.

Wrecker swung his magic crowbar (really, such a stupid super power) and knocked Thor over in a whirl of red cloak and golden hair. Wrecker turned, glaring at Bucky. “Don’t remember askin’ you to dance, partner. Go find your own.”

Wrecker was lining up the shot when suddenly a blur of fluff appeared from nowhere--

“Menace, no!” Bucky dropped one gun to reach for his puppy.

Wrecker swung and Tony had brief -- if horrific -- visions of trying to sew Bucky’s head back on, when Menace got to full sized. And then just… kept going.

Until the dog was roughly the size of a whale.

**BARK!**

The ground shook, people fell down. Civilians who were smart ran screaming. Civilians who were less smart started digging for their camera phones.

**BARK BARK BARK!**

Menace lunged, giant mouth agape, full of teeth and slobber.

And Wrecker vanished into her maw. The crowbar clattered to the pavement.

Bucky stared, then said, “Good girl.”

“A fine beast,” Thor said, brushing off his cloak, “but she has deprived me of a worthy foe.”

“My dog had a snack, big guy, relax.”

“Indeed,” Thor agreed.

“Woah,” Tony said. “I don’t know if I’m happy or terrified.”

“Oh, gross,” Clint said. “Now she’s gonna shit him out in a few days, I am not on dog poop duty, no way, no how, no, never.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> [Quote from](https://whatmyhobbiteyessee.tumblr.com/post/164733478475/every-mission-becomes-a-date-if-you-take-your-love)


End file.
